Addicted? Me??

25th December 2010

Consecutive days of running - 1090
Miles run - 5711
Last day without a run - 31st December 2007

The indomitable Mrs Heybourne has sparked controversy. (The same Mrs Heybourne who believes men get strong by being 'planks' and 'supermen', as opposed to by chopping wood and slaying dragons). She has accused me of having an addictive personality and specifically of being addicted to running.


Now obviously I know I am not, but I was more than a little surprised to learn that not everyone agrees with me. In fact I think it fair to say opinions are divided and to be truthful somewhat polarised. On the one hand those who believe I'm not addicted (me) and on the other those who believe I am (everyone else).

I have already proved this week that I am able to give up Chablis. I went 5 days without a drop touching my lips. (Conicidentally the same 5 days I was battling gastroenteritis.) I did open a bottle on Christmas Day - but only because I thought all my colleagues at the restaurant deserved a reward for putting up with me for the past 12 months. And somebody had to taste it.


So I am going to prove to everyone (apart from myself because I KNOW already that I don't have an addictive personality) that I can give up the stupid running as easily as I took it up.

This year's New Year's resolution will be to GIVE UP RUNNING. Not necessarily for ever - just long enough to demonstrate beyond reasonable doubt that it was just a harmless hobby.

Watch this space.

Happy New Year to you all. You doubters.

The Personal Trainer

3rd December 2010

22 sleeps to Santa
1066 days unbroken running
3 10k's
2 marathons
5647 miles run

And today I was introduced to the joys of a 'personal trainer'. Anita. She's lovely.

In case anyone thinks I have finally lost the plot she's not really 'MY' personal trainer. Anita is a sports masseuse who has been working on my back and is also 'A' personal trainer. She tells me I need to strengthen my 'core' and suggests an hour of instruction in 'exercises'. Simple 'exercises' that don't take much time and can be carried out at home. I'll be a new man. I'll run faster and stronger and the 89 uphill kilometres of next spring's Comrades Ultra Marathon (did I mention this?) will pass by largely unnoticed. The jog to Chablis will be a walk in the park. I won't fail again in my next marathon. This all sounds too good to be true. I hear stories of Anita's impending 40th birthday and her teenage kids. 'I hold the secret of semi-eternal youth' is the implicit message. ANITA I KNOW YOU ARE 23 AND YOUR KIDS HAVE JUST STARTED PRE-SCHOOL. I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT. But of course I do. We all believe what we want to believe and age is no cure for stupidity.

How difficult can an hour with a personal trainer be? I haven't missed a day's running in nearly three years; I go to the gym (occasionally); I spend most of my day on my feet; my hobby is brick laying; ok the back is a bit sore but I'm fit.
Or so I thought.

"We'll start with the 'plank'". I get a demonstration. It's like a child's version of a press up without having to do the press up bit. Girl's stuff. And here's the proof. A girl is showing me how to do it.

"ok your turn. Just hold it for 30 seconds to start with".

30 seconds. Not long is it?

"Relax! You're rigid! Breathe! You're not breathing! Now you are shaking! Breathe! Relax!"

I lasted 20 seconds. Just.

We tried again. The shaking was worse. The more I tried not to shake the more rigid I became and the less breathing I managed. It was a vicious circle.

Poor Anita had nearly an hour of this.

"What are you thinking?" she asked me. "I'm trying to read what's in your mind."

What I was thinking was (although I didn't divulge this) 'If I put myself through this 3 or 4 times a week for the next 6 months would it really make any difference to my running and more importantly would I end up with a bum like yours?' Probably not I concluded. But I was more than a little disturbed at the thought of a woman wanting to know the contents of a man's mind. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING THERE GIRLS - IT'S FAR,FAR TOO COMPLEX FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND.

But the next question stumped me.

"Do you stretch and drink plenty of water?"

'Do I stretch and drink plenty of water?'

Well I suppose I do stretch sometimes. If I am on the sofa and I can't quite reach the Chablis. Although if it is out of reach then rather than overstretch I will get Charles to pour it for me. But stretch for water? What possible circumstance in normal everyday life could lead you to stretch for water?

For 4 days I have been puzzling over this. I have even tried drinking water. I can't come up with any kind of answer. I did manage a second set of exercises today though. I'm going to stretch for a glass of Chablis to celebrate......

For those who take their fitness more seriously than I do Anita can be found at http://www.pulsefitness.me